I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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