it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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