I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
