This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
