Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
