I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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