She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
