Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are a genius and a whore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
