I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
