We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
