Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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