I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
