It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
