Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize