I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
