I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
