anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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