you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
