the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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