i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
