I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
