We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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