mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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