It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
