I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's shark week go big or go home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
