Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its not stalking. its research.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
