I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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