I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
