i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
