Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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