I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
