i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
