i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
