Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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