If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
