It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
