I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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