We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
