So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
