It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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