she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
