He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
