at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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