He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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