i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
