i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
