I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
