and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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