she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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