She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
