I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
