I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just threw up on my dentist
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
