i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
