Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
