On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
