Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
