Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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