she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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