The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
