Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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