Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
