And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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