A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
