i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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