I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
