One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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