I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
