so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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