you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
