Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
